Day 17

Tonight I cried again. I think it will be the last time I'll cry over missing him, at least in this manner. Listen to The Cure - Cut Here. I don't know if it will have the same effect it has on me. It makes me cry and has that strong an effect on me because of what it represents: it's a band that R likes a lot and their presence in my Music Library is mostly due to him. I've got their Greatest Hits album, nothing, compared to his collection of albums and knowledge of the band, it really is amazing to talk to him about those things, he knows what he is saying. Truth is, it's not just The Cure, it's R.E.M., Dashboard Confessional, Jack's Mannequin, Bright Eyes, etc. To me, it's like I'm back at his place, like nothing is wrong, then the lyrics transport me somewhere else, and in the case of Cut Here, to the present, down to reality.

I want to talk to you, so let's make a pact (you're in front of me), I have to be decisive, I will set a time for me to wait for you to break the silence like you want. I want to give you however long you want but it should boil down to this, Love, is there any left? Is there enough for us to rebuild our life again? From my part, I will give you all I have, and more, but the ball has fallen squarely in your court now so I can't do much more at this point. I recognise my mistakes, but I also know that it is sad not to live with someone who you think, deep inside, is right for you, or for whom you still have *that* feeling. I don't want to spend my life searching if the answer is in front of me. I miss you so so so so so so so SO much. I wish you would know that. Trust is hard to be regained, but it is certainly not impossible.

So I will talk to you one day, if I don't hear from you until then, and I will have this conversation in person, I hope you can make time to hear me out for a bit. If you get the chance, listen to Cut Here again, I'm sure you know it by heart already, like you always do, I find it makes sense in our situation.

This post should have been posted last night at around midnight, I fell asleep reading my book though :( And now I'm too late to get the Tori Amos wristbands. *sigh* To be frank though, I don't have enough time to spare to go to the gig anyway, although I would have liked to go :(