Day 11 part 2

I'm home now. I have been for the past... 3/4 hours? I was right, the test was today. My performance wasn't brilliant, I winged a lot of it, but it's better than nothing at this point. If it was for me I'd just stay in my little bubble and wouldn't see anyone, but I know that that won't help.

He has stopped talking to me again.
I don't know what to do anymore. A friend asked me what had happened, and I told her, in the tube. Then, after I left to change tube, I was crying all the way home whilst the guy in front of me kept passing wind and pretending it wasn't him. Life sucks.

OMFG!

I got a text
from him.

It says "Let me call you". Should I reply? Maybe not, I don't like to get texts saying "k", so I'm not gonna do it. Oh no. He's going to call me and tell me "I hate you, I don't want to see your face again, don't contact me again, etc" or, "I just don't love you anymore, I don't care what you did, it's all meaningless to me". I have been bothering him, I bothered him too much. I knew I should have done like M told me and just not contacted him. Oh no, what to do.

Just waiting. Yes, that's it. I'll wait. What if he is waiting for a reply? Ohhhhh crap. Get a hold of yourself. Whatever he wants to say, he is calling you. Whatever he is going to say, he'll say it. Ok, my heart is racing. My fingers are trembling. My whole body is shaking, and it's a mixture of nervousness, extreme happiness and extreme sadness (I'm a very extreme person at  the moment). Ahhhhhhhhhhhh ooooooooooooh I'm going craaaaaaaaaazy, but not crazy "I wanna kill myself" (yet) just crazy "omg he said something". Maybe the World is going to end after all, I've had my dose of happiness for this lifetime and now someone is gonna take me away. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh crap.

Jesus Christ, calm down. Breathe.

I'm breathing.

Still breathing.

Neutral.

No expectations.

Whatever is coming, I'll just need to deal with it when it comes.